Confusion flood my mind when I see pictures of myself.....I don't see myself the way I am protrayed in the pictures. I loathe the person in the pictures. I am huge, I am gross and I am my own worst enemy. Honestly how can I be so ugly? I try to put on a brave face and in the mornings of the day I put on my make-up and choose and re-choose my clothing and I look in the mirror and think "hey, maybe I am not so bad after all" and then I see photographic evidence to the opposite. I just want to delete everything. I hate myself in the pictures, I look at them and I cry. How did this happen, how did I get to this point and think that it was ok. The most important question is if I know I am so bad why don't I do something about it. God, I wish I could shove my fingers down my throut and puke up all the things that make me this huge blimp. I want to take a knife and cut away all the fat. So many self deprived things come to me in these momments of self defeat.
I once said that I am ok with myself the way I am....I was delusional. I hate my body, I hate my face, I hate every single thing to do with my image. I pray for strength to change, I pray for determined will to never accept this bloated version of myself. This person that appears in my place in pictures needs to fade away and never ever return and will at all costs....
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