Control

Life it seems to me is all about control. When you are the one doing the controlling you are on top. But when you are the one controlled you wallow at the bottom. He is in control in a sense and it hurts me. I have no rights to be in control, I mean I have done the same with no shame and yet his escapades have left me broken. I wish I was stronger because then the words spoken to another female wouldn't hurt. It is always the way in this relationship of mine that I get kicked when I am down. Right now I am not allowed to feel the way I want. I can't wear make up so I look like shit. My acne is worse than it ever has been, I am fat. My teeth will never be fixed and all in all I look like the punch line to every hick joke ever created. It is in this fraile state that my tears come frequently and it is beginning to feel as if I don't know how to exist without tears streaming down my face. This relationship hurts, but that is the same for all relationships at one time or another, right?