Greatness

Change.....is an awe inspiring thing and it always seems to sneak in the back door when you least expect it to. I am in the midst of change...but I have no idea what I am changing into.
I have more determination than I have had in a long time...determination to do things the right way, not just to get them over with. This appilies to as many aspects of my life as I can get it to. Work, home, with the kids....with David.
I am starting to feel full of life, the way I used to in some ways and in a totally new way in others. I can deal with problems, manage myself and be strong in everything I do. I can take pride in myself and shine every single time I take a step. I am more than I have ever been.
I am working again with Sunshine and I am really enjoying it. I have take a new approach the includes positivity and pride in my work. I am doing things and staying on track and completing tasks. I don't feel like I am running around in circles and getting nothing done. I am focused and I am prepping myself for success.
With all this being said, there is still a gap in my mental personna. I can't describe how I am feeling really but it feels like a part of me is...lacking...missing or just not all together. I don't know how to correct this feeling and I wonder if it has to do with my wanting another child. Maybe because my family is not complete that my mind can't be complete. I don't know.....I just feel....unfinished. I have decided that currently I will put this energy into bettering myself through my work place and try to fill this void.
David and I are doing so well lately. I feel happy and in love with him on a level that we have never managed to get to. He is the father that I have wanted him to be and the husband that I have needed him to be. I love him with every part of me and now, that isn't scary. I know he is my soul mate and I see our future as clear and bright as the next day. Hardships come and they pass, and this one finally has.
Christmas is almost here and despite my hate for winter I am feeling in the holiday spirit. The snow blowing, lights twinkling and our babies running around the house has made my spirit come alive. I love everything that I have and I am so thankful for my life and love. I have something that is so hard to find and a family life that is almost extinct in our walks of life. I have just what I am meant to have and I am blissfully happy in my surroundings.