On work time..

Life punches, it kicks and it scratches...but somehow no scars are ever left. Problems come and go and still somehow...we survive.
Emotionally I am a roller a coster with no destination just a whole lot of screaming. I can be fine and then crying and then fine again all in a half hour and if you aren't ready for that challenge than you need to step aside because I can't control it.
I am in a hole in every side of the word, but the depth changes depending on the day.
Today, as of this momment I am in love with my husband. I know saying that the way I did makes it a person wonder what I mean. It is not that I ever fall out of live with him but sometimes it feels as if a screen on filter is put in between us and we have to figure out a way to get through to even see each other let alone understand one another. Life has been stressful, complicated and a mess but finally as of this momment it seems to be getting back on track.
We have moved and the house weare in is livable but it is far from amasing. we are making do right now and doing what we have to stay as strong as we can.
Once and a while, more lately than ever a find myself turning around and wondering how I got to where I am. I have grown up and relized that "perfect" doesn't exist...well at least not for me. I have what I have and do what I do because I have to. It is hard, it is ugly....but...it is...life.

I am pregnant, the world of my blog and the world off the page all know this now but my mind doesn't. My body certainly feels it with every streach, turn and movement. I am about 15 weeks and I am starting to feel the little feelings that over the years I have come to known as baby. On the 23rd I have my next doctor's appointment and I pray that a heartbeat (at least one) is heard. I know I haven't been doing all the things that I should be doing to ensure my baby is healthy and strong and growning right. I am pushing myself too far, trying to do the impossible and trying to meet unreasonable expectations. I am tired always, I never feel quite right and after months of this it started to weigh down the mind. I am trying hard, so hard to be positive and strong but it is not always happening. My baby is roughly the size of a lemon now.....my little lemon baby, what will you be?! I can't wait to meet you!