I Just.....know...

The world is full of beautiful, magical things...of connections known not by sight but by a new meaning of embrace. Tonight as I sat alone in a house full of quiet, I found my self lost in thought. I find losing myself in thought is the only way for me to truly relax. I miss so much in a day, so many signs, omens one might say, and when I look back and think I see them clear as day.

Lately I have been lost in chaos, which is the most horrorifying type of delusion. Nothing in my life has gone the way it should, gone easily or even progressed slightly. I am taking a step in the wrong direction, hoping it is for the greater good. I believe strongly in signs...in odd little coindences or feelings that general mean nothing...yet they mean everything.

On my ponder tonight I found out something, a connection that I had always missed. A friend, a very close friend that would have been in my life no matter which path I chose earilier in life. See, I believe in destiny...but in a different sense than most. I believe destiny to be a changing life force that doesn't decide what choices we make but ultimatly shows us the right path to take. This friend of mine is someone that I know I have been very close to in another life. I can't remember if I have explained this in here before but I believe that on the day that our soul is created we are bounded through out all of time with other people who's sould were born around the same time. I believe the roles change, one life the mother, the next the child, after than the sister, but all in all the same souls are attracted to the same souls throughout life times. Earily in lifeI had a choice to make and I chose a path based on a friend's feelings and that took me in a different direction and led me to where I am today...and this person is connected to me. I have resently discovered if I have made a different chose and not considered a friend's feelings that I could very well be on a very different path...but this friend would still be a big part of my life because of other mutal conections. To put it all on paper it sounds odd, it is hard to describe,but to me this is means something of great important...this person is in my life for some really big reason!
I haven't been around this person as much as I would like to be.....maybe I need to be around her more, destiny has prescribed it for a reason....
Maybe she needs my friendship asmuch as I need her.
I don't believe any sign is false, or wrong.....
I feel as if I have made a revelation today...lets see where this leds!

I am hiding
Everyday I go through the same thoughtless process and plan, hoping to achieve....anything. But I don't. I feel like everything I am doing means nothing, is unimportant and in the long run a waste of time. Maybe it is because of this feeling of empending change, of something big that will finally have the rest of the world seeing what I see. Everyday, struggling and never ever being able to tak a full breath is not what the human race is meant to be doing. We are all struggling trying to fit into a puzzle that we are not designed to fit. Everything is about the bottom line , keeping up, being popular.....being.....accepted because what is the point if we are not. I hate the way the world is...the tension, the pain, the suffering, the struggling, the crying, the tears. I just want to wipe it all away and start fresh....will it ever happen.