Happiness

Where is my mind...

Today has been stressful, hectic, annoying and almost unbearable... but I survived.
I came home, my babies were fussy, grumpy...even my cat seemed to be mad at me....just not a good day. Now....I just throw up on the floor.....thanks Van Wilder...that made my night...
So here I sit
16 weeks pregnant..and worried about everything. Everyday I am hanging on by a tiny string and I a worried that it is going to snap as soon as this baby is born. Next winter is going to be evil hell and no matter how hard I try to focus on now, on the positive, all the negetive pops up it's ugly head and am forced to view reality. How am I going to do this. I feel so over welmed now because f everything in my life, how are things going to be after there is more stress.
I hate my job...I truely do. I never thought it would come to this but i don't want to be there anymore. Once it was a happy place where work was hard but usually had a purpose...not now....ever day feels like one step closer to...disaster. I just want to be done, I want to be in control.....I want this stage in my life to be over. Today I realised something.....I still have the mentally of a child...I am stagnant, I am not getting anywhere and I never will and there is nothing I can do about it.
Money locks me in this tiny little world and it doesn't care...it twists and turns and laughs as it looks at me with disgust. I am defeated....but...oh well...sorrow only drowns those that fall in the water...