Awakening

I am at work, on my lunch break and 8 million things are going through my head. As of today I am 28 weeks pregnant. I am in the third trimester and my world in no less figured out than when I last posted here. I feel, most times anyway, that I am starting to get control of my world. This occurs in small, hardly noticable doses but just the same it is happening and it is an improvement.

I am huge, but not as huge as i was last time. I don't even really think that that line between if I am a distinguishing preggo or just fat has been crossed yet. This bugs me....I want what I had with Sara, I was tiny and had a big belly that was without a question a preggo belly.

I have found out since my last post in here that a little boy incubates in my womb. This in itself is most amasing to me. I am going to have a son. Somehow I don't think our family would have ever been complete without a little boy in the picture.

I am worried though about how Makayla will act and grow with this new development. I am worried that she will unintentionally be left behind in ways because she is the middle child. I hope this never happens and I am planning on taking an active role to see that it doesn't. I am still scared that it will though.

My days at work are blending together in a fury of tention and mass frusteration. The stores are moving to new locations and with that brings so much work and body and mind pain for everyone. I, along with everyone else, am struggling to even survive here at this point. Every day tention mounts and the claws come out to play. We are weathering the storm but there is distruction just the same.

David and I couldn't be doing better. Everything is just amasing with him by my side. It still delights me that after 8 years just seeing him brings a smile to my face and a feeling that he can make all the pain and trouble go away. I truely love him and could not see myself without him.

So as I sit here my brain struggles to grasp the fact that work must be done, progress must be made and I have to do it. I long for freedom from this place to be with my babies and my man and away from these confining walls and tempting windows. I want to be outside and carefree, but those kind of people do not exist but in fantasy.