Yep...another night...

I am sitting here staring at the messaging screen wishing your name would pop up. I am sitting here wondering what would be better, waiting around here, or praying for dream sleep in which you hold me and look into my eyes and tell me that you are never going to leave me. Both are uncertain and it seems the only place you and I exist is in my fanatsies. Maybe that is where this exists soley. Maybe I made it up.
Every night my head hits the pillow and shows me visions of what I wish would happen. Fantasies like me having a tradeshow in Barrie and you coming to see me. My face lights up with a huge smile as I see you for the first time, I run up to you and I hug you with everything that I have. Every inch of me longs to kiss you but I know I can't in front of my co-workers....that would be too messy. They see the joy you bring to me and they tell me to go and take a break. We go, we leave the building and hide around the back and we kiss...and there are fireworks and memories....oh so many memories of what we once had and of how you made me feel and how much I miss you. I sit in your arms and I remember how much I loved this, how safe you always made me feel and how comfortable I felt just being near you. With you I could be myself, I never had to pretend, fake it, be someone else. I was always yours.
Reading that back to myself I realize how lonely I am. I'm always alone.