I am starting to think that no man in my life right now is the "right" man. Maybe that is because I am not dealing with men but with boys. I don't know. I just feel like between the games and the mind games that I am just not really getting what I really want. I know I took vows and the man I am married to is supposed to be the one that is right but I feel like I am turning into a person I don't want to be because of him. I am finding the only way to just be me is to not think about his prospective in every matter. I am finding myself and I am finding that I am NOT the person he is trying to make me into. I have stopped relying on him for anything except rides to and from work. I go home fully prepared to do what needs to be done and not expect help. I go home, play with my babies, crank the music and be free. I clean my house I do everything as if I was a single woman. I will admit my eyes are open and looking for the potiential of a better future, no matter how that pans out. I need to be true to myself and I think the only way to do that is to just do me....
I have been burned by every man...I let my husband crush my spirit, my life and control my mind and now.....he isn't anymore. I am not as close with him but I am closer with me and that is what is most important. Scars are ther but they don't matter....they are just battle wounds that shape me into beautiful. Thatr's right......BEAUTIFUL...I am beautiful. Some how some day I will be able to say that and not feel like I am going to cry. I don't know why it does that to me every time but it does. But not anymore. Everyday I am going to say it.....every day....and I am going to believe it.
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