How the fuck am I supposed to ever get out of the hole that has been dug. It is awful. We have overdue bills, are on the edge of having utilies turned off and are just drowning in debt. How am I supposed to fix this. I can't take any course to better my education and get me a better job because that basicall y means taking food out of my children's mouth. We are providing the basics of life for our children but that is it, there is nothing left after bills, food and gas.
The future scares me, how can I make this all work. I want to just wake up one day and have won the lottery and be allowed to focus on my life and my babies not trying to figure out how I am going to make the 3 cans of soup, half box of rice and 4 Mr Noodles packages last a week. I am in tears because this is not fair and it is my fault... I didn't go to college, I didn't prepare for the future and now I am suffering.
How do people do this, because I know there are people in worse shape than I am, how do they do it. I am embarrassed by the lack of money that we have. I am trying so hard every day to hide the fact that we have nothing. When we go out I make sure the kids look prefect and that I look as good as I can and I paste on a smile and try to make the world believe that I have it all together.
I am wrorried that I have never going to be anything. I am going to struggle through every single momment of my life and then die with nothing for my children. I am a mess and I don't want to be. I really don't just want to be that woman that makes minmum wage and lives off the dollarstore, but I am that right now.
I need to figure this all out and I am learning a hard hard lesson - You reap what you sow.
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