Ammendment

Because my brain is not stopping I am doing this again. I still can't process what is happening in my mind. How is this possible? The mystery that surrounds these circumstances makes this all the more daring. But....what if I am wrong. This could be just me, only me and that could destroy me. I am vunerable in a different way and that makes me weak. I am not sure what this is supposed to be.
I've put it out there, put myself out there more than I wanted to and kinda liked it. It is the words that are still haunting me. The last statement the most, no one has ever said that to me. It changed me. I am crazy and time alone has driven me to insanity. I am sad, because I don't know what this means in a different way. How does it affect the world we have built, it could shatter it, but even if it doesn't has something crumbled and left my defenses bare. I am not supposedto need defenses anymore. That is what the gold has told me, it symbolises the demise of this, of this need.
Forged objects are weakest in the heat and that might be exactly what this is. All because of an enlightenment of sorts within myself that allows me to be...beautiful. Stagnet developments need to be washed away. This is too hard for me to bare and it seems I am just going to let the wind take me where it is going to, that has served me well in the past....or has it. What has happened, how is it that I can't stand on my two feet anymore. I am thin, spread much to thin for my brain to seek something so frivolous, or maybe that is the point.
Is life this hard for everyone. Right now there is really only one area of my life that is not in peril, well sort of...
the thing that scares me is that I don't know myself. I could see this seeking out the very depths that it wants to and that would be followed by a break in the true existance of everything. Mental and physical limits are being tested on a new scale. I have been on this scale before and been wrong and then been happy the limits were not exceeded, but that didn't improve my smile at the end of the day.
It comes down to want, at least it does in my head. But what part of the want is the most important. I know what part is to me but that is lacking on the closest side of this thing
It is there in abundance on the opposite side, but that is because of the shininess of it. And because of the desire.
I must refrain from showing my feels outward in any reaction. This will be a challenge.
For now, it is present in the lines but hidden from outward advances. I am worried I am tempting karma and faith...