Here comes the bride...

Smiles...big beautiful smiles... that is what a wedding is to me and that is what I do everytime I think of that momment when I walk down the aisle to my glowing fiance. That is my momment. It is going to be amasing!

For those reading this, that will be attending our wedding, I will warn that wedding spoilers will more than likely be in this blog.

I am on a wedding high this week. I have ordered my wedding dress!! That makes this so much more real for me! I can't wait to get it and put it on and know that it is mine! I love my dress and I can't wait for David to see me in it.

I think I have everything under control as far as planning is conserned. The officiant, the ceremony, the reception, the dj, the dress, and everything else. Planning is amasing and challenging all at the sametime. I know it will be amasing no matter what because I am marrying the man of my dreams. I knew the first time that I met him that I would marry him. Something just clicked in me. We just fit together so easily. I hope he knows just how much he means to me!

I am just smiling, sitting her imagining my day. Everything will be beautiful....smile!

Insert title here - owsokjdo

Grumpy! That is about it...I am grumpy. I don't really have a reason to be but I am. Well I have a sort of reason. One of my bridesmaids will not be able to be at my wedding due to a commitment that she cannot get out of and I completely understand and I have no resentment at all towards my girl... I love her to death!
My predicament is who do I put in her place. I do have two options....and one is more of an option than the other but is it fair to ask someone to be a bridesmaid when the wedding is 4 months away and most of the planning is done??? She would have to buy her dress and all that...I mean this girl is definatly a close friend and all. I guess the only thing to do is ask and hope that I don't sound.....unreasonable....poop

Nail polish is pissing me off too, I mean seriously...how hard is it to paint your nails? To me it might as well be rocket science. Grrrr...frusteration comes easily tonight

In this post I plan to unleash allof my self loathing and recent self defeat and confliction. I am not happy with me....not emotionally....definatly not physically...just no happiness right now when it comes to me. I should be glowing...I have children, I am getting married, I am on anti-depressants....however, not so happy...
I am eatting again...a lot and not healthy. Grandma sent me home with 800 freaking cookies....ummm, wedding dress thank you very much! I am sarcastic tonight and sarcasism doesn't compute well. I wish I had the will power to stick my finger down my throut...or just stop eatting. I wish I could flick a switch "Food - Off" and be done with it...be a size 2 in 4 months and all the world would dance in merriment because we all know happiness depends on the scales numbers. Gosh I am a pessimist tonight. But hey, this is my blog..tough
I feel like...it's my birthday and someone shit on my cake...not a good feeling but once the day has past at least you have a funny story to tell. I feel like I am borderline psycho bitch that looks herself in a room and draws pictures on the walls in red crayon....actually...that sounds quite fun....
I am glad I have this momment to myself...away from everyone. It feels like I have not been by myself in weeks and honestly I don't think I have. I have been visiting family and when I am there my baby shares a room with us, so I have literally been at least 4 days with a child with my for all hours up until these last twoo hours. Maybe I am coming down from an overflow of bad cartoons...
I am going crazy....I think it would be best if I just gave up and went to bed...night world...