Too Much LIFE

Today is hard.
I don't know how to describe how I feel other than to say that my body feels too tight. My brain is set on overdrive and I am out of gas. I hate this....so much and I just want it to end.
My medication is making me worse more than it is making me better. I want to cry....and never stop.
I feel like no one in the world is going through what I am going through and no one can understand because they are not where I am. My friends say they are there for me but when I am at my breaking point no one is around. I am alone...not good alone...but utterly alone in emotion. I am cut off in my mind from anyone and everyone and it makes me sad. I want to curl up in a ball and cry until I can't cry anymore.
I need to be away from everyone especially my kids for one day, just one day. I can't do this anymore. I am struggling to keep a smile on my face through this pain inside. But what can I do, I am a mommy, I have to cope no matter what. Mommy cares for all, no one takes care of her. I need to escape in ways I have never felt before. I wish I could escape from myself.
This has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. Admiting I had post pardem depression was easy, not finding the right medication is killing me. Since I started these pills I have not felt like me....I feel like I am in a cloud. So far I have tried 30mg of Cymbalta....then 60mg.... then back to 30mg and now I am on a completely different pill......oh god I want to scream...
Tonight I am done....I am crying...