In a pit

Just married, two beautiful girls, a house, a cat, food in the fridge....what more could I want.
Yet I feel ugly, empty, sad and well withdrawn.
I am happy with my life outside my body and mind but it seems inside I am a locked up lonely person with no chance of ever seeing the light. The wedding is over and the people I grew closest to because of the wedding have now vanished and don't seem to care. My anti-depressants have more than their usually share of gloominess to combat. I am in a place where adult conversation is never had, where playstation rules my grooms domain and where mommy is mommy and not allowed to be anyone else. I am locked in a palce where I can not be the person I want to be.
But how do I change this
How do I emerge from my cocoon and veiw the world full of hope, promise and light. How do I spread my wings. I have entered a new chapter in my life and this chapter I have npo mentor to fall nor peers to take up the same challenge. All my life I have had someone that was going through similar tasks and I could see my life in a clear way based on choices I made that they didn't. I could see that I was where I wanted to be. But now I am alone in ways that the midn can not comput.
I need to expand my mind, learn new things, have a goal, a plan, a destination that will benefit me and my family. Right now I have no motivation, no spice for life. But I can't do anything more with my life at the momment, I am a mother...that is enough to fill anyone's day.
Today we went to the mall, I dressed nice, I got puked on, yay! Brought a new vaccum.
I came home used new vaccum and then proceeded to sit at the computer and veiw people on facebook and then wonder which people would actually notice if I just disappeared. I feel like I am veiwing a world I am not part of and there is no way to become a part of it.