Painfully Obvious

Dear Mystery Mind out there in the world
I am sad tonight and mouring for something I don't have...attention. I am going to be painfully truthful with myself and point out that it is not love I am wanting, because I have that. I just don't dazzle his senses, I don't impress him, I feel like I am not enough to capture his interest. This leads me to believe I have to branch out and find someone to dazzle, impress and capture. I don't feel good enough if I don't have a boy pining over me and I know that is my flaw and not everyone elses.
Is it so wrong for me to want a man that finds me atractive? I don't only mean sexually but a man that is drawn to me and wants to be with me and have conversation with me. One that isn't tied to something else. Is it wrong for me to want a man that wants to help me in every way possible. Is it wrong for me to want a man that looks me in the eyes and I can feel that I mean so much to him. Is it wrong for me to want a man that doesn't think sex with me is a joke. With David it is almost as if every suggestive thing I do brings fits of laughter instead of thoughts of intamitcy. He doesn't take me seriously, The other day I said something to him and it is the realest thing to ever pass my lips. "You take your pretend world seriously and your real world as a joke." I'm a joke to him. I want to be completely right for someone.

That pain

So deep, so dreadful, so painful....the regret I am filled with. I want to go back in time so badly and make you mine. I wish I had spoken the words. It is killing me. I love you, I want to be with you and I can't be because I am with him and he is the father of my children and they are the most important thing and they need their father. I am sick to my stomach constantly with the pain of not being with you. I miss you so much and I feel so sad that our time is over. Every night I wait with baited breath for you to come on line. I am only really happy now when I am talking to you. Only then does it feel like the world is right. My heart is broken, it hurts, it is crying and the worst part is there is nothing I can do about it. I wish there was a rewind button and I could start my life over again. I want to go back to when I first met you and I want to cling to you and never let go. I want you to be mine. I want to hold you. I want you, to be here, I want to see you, I want it to be the way it is in my dreams. You tell me it is the same for you. I just want you. It isn't even about sex anymore...I just want to be with you.