Painfully Obvious

Dear Mystery Mind out there in the world
I am sad tonight and mouring for something I don't have...attention. I am going to be painfully truthful with myself and point out that it is not love I am wanting, because I have that. I just don't dazzle his senses, I don't impress him, I feel like I am not enough to capture his interest. This leads me to believe I have to branch out and find someone to dazzle, impress and capture. I don't feel good enough if I don't have a boy pining over me and I know that is my flaw and not everyone elses.
Is it so wrong for me to want a man that finds me atractive? I don't only mean sexually but a man that is drawn to me and wants to be with me and have conversation with me. One that isn't tied to something else. Is it wrong for me to want a man that wants to help me in every way possible. Is it wrong for me to want a man that looks me in the eyes and I can feel that I mean so much to him. Is it wrong for me to want a man that doesn't think sex with me is a joke. With David it is almost as if every suggestive thing I do brings fits of laughter instead of thoughts of intamitcy. He doesn't take me seriously, The other day I said something to him and it is the realest thing to ever pass my lips. "You take your pretend world seriously and your real world as a joke." I'm a joke to him. I want to be completely right for someone.

Needed: Eyes on the Back of my Head....

I honestly think that mom's require eyes on the back of their head's....it is the only way to keep up oh and maybe and extra set of hands while we are at it. Needless to say my day has been hectic. I am getting a little frusterated with my fiance. This is nothing new but lately it is more apparent because I finally have the entire house clean. a feat that should be rewarded with a medal and a million dollar cheque. This feat is near impossible and I made it happen.
But now the hard part comes clear....keeping it that way. Oddly enough it is not the 2 year old that is the main problem. It is David. I have never noticed how much I clean up after him until now. I knew he was getting spoiled with my....constant maintainance but lately it is crazy.
It is like having a third child. I am venting and I know this article is not going to come off good, but I need to get this all out and he is the best place, it doesn't hurt anyone.
He is lazy, unhelpful, sarcastic, childish, immature and just a pain in the ass. I don't think taking items out to the blue box is hard, or putting his shoes in the closet or his socks in the laundry basket. These little things add up and they happen constantly. Anything that has to be done with the children is a chore and most times adds up to an eye roll, sigh and then if I am lucky he gets up and does what needs to be done. It is hard! I wish that when the baby is crying or Sara needs a diaper change that he would just do it instead of wait to see if I will do it or mention it. I just don't know how he can be so...irresponisble. I hate his playstation with a passion!!! Originally I was jealous of the machine because it got the most and the better part of his time and now I simply hate it because it has prioriety over soooo many things, not to mention it is in the center of our living room and heaven forbide I have to pass in front of it to get to the children or something else imporant. I have to let him know I need to pass and wait until it is convient for me to pass. I want to smash the playstation to little tiny bits and then burn those bits and throw the ashes in the toilet and flush them! Stupid ass machine.
I am....stuck.........