Beyond

It is of a curious nature the me that I have quenched the thirst. It is not as if I have dramatically presued or even really enticed. I am not really shiny in this eyes of the beholders of games like these but some how I have maintained. Shame should be fluent on these lips of late but none has crossed them. I know my flight is permitted in the eyes of matrimony. This is merely a product of my design, of my dna. Outward appearence would not have you to believe this feat has be accomplished by me. I am lowly, I am dreadful...yet...I guess I am powerful, captivating. I fear my head is swollen.
By mere thought of advertised preception I should not be the one with the number. I should be mellow, un-changing, unbaited and unattractive. By society I should not be proud of what has come to pass. Please do not assume Mindful One that the quest I am speaking of was accomplished by my hand in all cases. It must be noted that one of the captivated has been cured by his own hand and mere thought. I am purely an instructor of sorts in that affair, but still, I have been told that that has be as if water to the thirst laiden.
I crave too much. I know I do...it is an addiction. So sweet an addiction that I have no thought of leaving it as long as it is offered. This is not wise, not rational, not smart, not.....allowed but it is real. I feel like I am the only person in the world not attempting to squash there basic insticts.. basic, born with insticts to feed....
The only thing that consers me is that no one else seems to feel this need....Is no one else born with it. I am the one that is not normal and is the fact that I feel so detemined in my believe truely a sickness? As I type the word Sickness my brain twists with the thought. But really, who does this hurt. I have the blessidng of the one in my heart, the one with my body knows his place and the one in the world of the past knows the situation. Is this really wrong? Those of the Lord would have me believing so...will these acts force me judged in a way that can not wbe forgiven. I can not ask for forgiveness because I am not truely sorry and for me to breath word of prayer would be a lie. I would only be asking for forgiveness because I don't want to offend not because I truely regret the situation.
I feel like I am heading down an unproductive path with this post tonight. My brain and body are not quite in sync it seems....I suspect chemical imbalance.
Wander Eyes out there in the un-known have you judged me? Have you passed a view of me based on the words written in the pages of these blog. I wonder how I feel about that because in all reality Mindful One, you know me better than anyone every has. These pages hide nothing, these pages have no secret, these pages have no shame. Maybe that means your judgement is not clouded and your preception of me is the real one...the rest of the world believes the mirage....and they will continue to. Life in the Scorpion Cage bears no remorse.