2:12 am

Why will my children not sleep!?????? Ever. I am so sick of this, of feeling tired all the time, of trying to function on 3 hours of sleep during the day while Ethan is asleep and not cranky. I am so tired of feelwing like a life starved zombie trying to make it to the next intersection of life.
Makayla wants to be up all night too, she has been throwing a fit every time she wakes up.... which has been 4 times since her bed time at 7:00pm. I am seriously at the end of my rope. I don't know what I am supposed to do, how I am supposed to do anything or how to make this better.
My kids are grumpy all day because they never sleep and then at night they are awake all night just because there is nothing better to do that scream and cry at 2:12 in the morning. People do this, they have three kids and they function. Many woman can just do it and be happy and smile and just be everything to everyone with a plastic fucking smile on their faces. I am not one of these womane, I cannot function without sleep. I can not do anything if I feel like shit and I refuse to play barbie when all I can think of is how nice it would be to be under my blankets and sleep until my body tells me to wake up
I am never going to be able to do anything in my life the way things are now.....I can't fucking sleep at all and trying just pisses me off..q.how the fuck am I supposed to sleep if 30 seconds after I close my eyes a child wakes up and screams blood murder until I figure out how to fix the problem. Maybe I am the qfucking problem, I am qmust be doing something wrong that two of my chqildren refuse to sleep for anymore than an hour without waking and screaming.