500 times a day

That is ow many times a day I want to e-mail you. I want you to know how much I miss you, how much I need you in my life. How I need you to be my friend. I need your support. I have a lot I want to accomplish in my life and I want you there to celebrate my successes and motivate me when I have a hard time. I am lost without you in my life.
I understand why you can't be here and it makes sense for my relationship and it is best for everyone I guess. I am the only one that is hurting with the way things are now. I hate feeling like this. You make me feel good, you make life easier and talking to you makes me shine. Is that bad.
I hate this. I hate it so much that it is consuming every part of my day. I have no reason to do anything because I was doing this for you. I was a better person with you in my contact list.
I honestly do not know what the future holds but I do know I am stronger, happier and jus plain better with you with me. I need you as a friend to me right now...and I can't have you without losing the father to my kids...I guess I am going to have to find another way to cope, I just can't think of you.
I really hope you still read this, I doubt you do but it helps me to know I have a connection. It truely hurts so much to check my inbox and not see an e-mail from you. I check it a million times a day just hoping that you might decide you need me in your life, even if it isn't the way you want it to be. I miss you so much. I am here for you if you ever need me. I will never get over losing you.