Can't do it....

Here it is....I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I am just living life in a shell, I am not engaging ing life, I am not enjoying life and I am not living life. You don't care, you really don't....I don't know what I expected but I guess I just expected you would be there. I can't keep this up.

I need to find a way to cope with life and right now I am glued to my inbox. I can't get over you and I have cried so much my eyes hurt and now I guess I just have to pick up the pieces of my heart and move on. I am fucking pissed, I don't want to be but I guess if it is that easy for you to drop me means it wasn't as strong as I thought it was. You just want me to change my whole life for you but you don't want to be my friend, you say you can't be. I feel like you ran into my life, said everything i have ever wanted to say and then you were gone...poof
I can't appologise, I can't change anything, I don't want to take anything away from what we had and I can't contain how this feels.
I love my husband, I do.....I have been with him almost every single day for the past 7 years. I have shared everything with him, I have bonded with him and I have a connection with him. He is my rock, he is there and he is the father of my children. He is a major part of me.

I love you in a different way, in a raw way, in a sensual way. I love you because you make me feel alive, you make me feel better, you make me feel happy and you make me more. I have not felt the way I do talking to you in so long and now I can't cope without you. You don't get it. I am hurting and I need you so much to keep me happy. I am selfish, I am greedy and I don't give a fuck at this point. I am so sorry that I can't uproot my life for you. I am beyond this point now. I don't know what that means. I don't know how to deal with this. I just can't right now. I am really sorry about everything and I don't want you to regret me and you do. I hate this, hate this hate this hate this hate this fucking bullshit.....

This is it....I am through....
GOOD BYE.