He is the way he was a long time ago, the light is back in his eyes. I know he loves me, he is doing what he needs to now and I have fate this is going to remain. He has done what I have asked him to. But why oh why isn't my heart better.
Last night shattered me.
I am not sure if I am going to recover from this. I understand why you can't talk to me and he doesn't want me talking to you so opening my e-mail and not seeing your name makes sense. It is logical, I am following the rules. I had to delete your e-mail so that I couldn't e-mail you, because everytime my fingers touch the keys I want them to be writing words to you. I am in pain, a dull agonising pain.
I have been keeping busy trying to turn my brain off because it seems to help. But what about tonight when the night is quiet and my heart aches to talk to you, just to know you are in my world, but you aren't.
I hate this so so so much.
I am sorry. I am always going to want to be with you....why is life so cruel. I will miss you forever and I am hoping that in time I become numb. I hope I never run into you, ever. My heart wouldn't be able to handle that.
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